Fast Facts

Party afilliation:

Highest office held:
Senator from Florida

Notable quote:
“To restore the American dream, we need a new policy agenda designed specifically for the 21st century.”

Marco Rubio

By Hayley Harding

EDITOR'S NOTE: The following obituary is a satirical piece about the ends of 2016 presidential campaigns. Those who led the campaigns are still very much alive, although their hopes for winning the race to the White House in November have come to an unsuccessful conclusion.

The campaign of Marco Rubio, known for its “memorized 25-second speech” and for hosting the youngest Republican candidate, died March 15, 2016. It was 338 days old.

Born on April 13, 2015, in Miami, Rubio’s campaign was what some thought would be the “fresh face” of an aging Republican Party. The campaign started strong, going as high as second place in some polls and staying in the top five for the duration of its life. Many declared Rubio the winner of the first GOP debate, leaving some to believe the freshman Florida senator had what it took to get to the Oval Office.

For many, Rubio represents a different kind of Republican party. The 44-year-old son of Cuban immigrants was the youngest in the race, a departure from a primarily white and older set of candidates from both sides of the aisle. Some said it would be exactly that leading Rubio to win over Hillary Clinton in November.

The good times didn’t last, however. As 2015 continued, Rubio’s opponents began to attack his voting records, but not in the traditional way. It wasn’t that Rubio was voting against his party, but rather that he wasn’t voting at all — PolitiFact found he missed 41 percent of all votes (compared to a median 1 percent), making him the worst sitting senator when it comes to attending voting sessions.

Rubio also struggled when the primaries began in 2016. The first state he won was Minnesota, a traditionally liberal state, on Super Tuesday — after a month of primaries. He then won Puerto Rico and Washington, D.C. but no other states. After front-runner Donald Trump beat Rubio in Florida, where Rubio was hoping to capitalize on the home state advantage, the campaign met its end.

The campaign is survived by Rubio’s senatorship and the fact his codename when he was being considered for Mitt Romney’s running mate in 2012 was “pescado.”