Home Satire AVW Newstime Comedy: Student to follow resolution, everyone else has given up

AVW Newstime Comedy: Student to follow resolution, everyone else has given up

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As February draws to a close, many Bobcats are looking forward to spring break. However, Jacob Nelson, sophomore journalism major, is only looking forward to one thing: hitting the gym.

Like many, Jacob’s New Years Resolution was to get fit in 2015. However, Ping can be a difficult place to navigate at the start of the new year. Every year brings new goals to get to the gym regularly, which leaves students struggling to find an empty machine to use. But Jacob, in what he calls a “stroke of pure genius,” has come up with the perfect plan.

“Yeah, I figured a lot of people had the same idea to go to the gym,” explained Jacob, while pacing outside the weight room. “But I didn’t want to have to deal with all of the noobs who were just there just to say they did it for a month and then give up. So I waited until now to start working out. Brilliant, right?”

Brilliant, indeed. Due to the demanding life of a college student, new years resolutions such as Jacob’s are often left unaccomplished early in the year. Students return from break ready to begin their quest for fitness, but fall short as the semester drags on.

Jacob says he made the same resolution last year, but this time he swears he’s going to make it part of his daily routine. He even asked his parents for brand new workout gear for Christmas.

“Now that I’ve got my schedule figured out, I know where I have time and where I don’t,” Jacob declared. “If I wake up early on Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays, I have time to lift weights. And if I go between classes on Tuesdays and Thursdays, I can run.”

When asked how his workout routine has been going so far, Jacob responded, “Oh, I haven’t started yet. I’m waiting until we get back from spring break. You know, so I can start fresh.”

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