Home Satire AVW Newstime Comedy: Marching 110 aides Southall

AVW Newstime Comedy: Marching 110 aides Southall

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Recently, Ohio University students lost a great leader. Former Student Senate President Nick Southall resigned while on a bus somewhere on U.S. Route 50 coming back from the Beef ‘O’ Brady’s Bowl in Ft. Lauderdale, Fla.

Accompanying Southall on the 14-hour bus ride was 35 members of the Marching 110.

“We waited two hours for Nick to be released from jail, which was great because it gave us extra time to get all of his accommodations on the bus in order,” said Justin Andrews, a senior in the Marching 110.

Southall was reportedly hand-fed grapes laced with Ibuprofen to help numb his hangover and humiliation. Students also tried to ease Southall’s pain with massages to the wound left from the stun gun.

Later that night, students reported that Southall became restless. He began running up and down the aisle of the bus and shouting to “promote better circulation and increase memory.” He was supposedly drunk again, as well.

“The constant pounding of his feet along with the shrill of his voice created a soothing lullaby to the group onboard,” said Rachel Madders, a sophomore studying political science. “It was the best night of sleep I’ve ever had.”

Madders said Southall became tired very quickly. He soon fell asleep sprawled across a freshman trombone player in the aisle on all fours, creating the comforts of a flat bed for Southall.

Southall lost $10,380 in tuition and fees on U.S. Route 50. Needless to say, he didn’t tip the bus driver.

“He’s a very honorable and honest man,” said Julie Haverstock, a junior who attended the trip. “He told the truth when he didn’t know where his room number was the night before. That shows his bravery and I think we should commend him for it.”

For everyone on campus who does not know who Nick Southall is, he can be seen around campus while being carried by the entire Marching 110. For the rest of us who do know him, we will continue not to care about his existence.

This article was written by Jessica Ensley. Follow Newstime on Twitter: @AVWNewstime

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