Home Satire AVW Newstime Comedy: OU freshman overcompensating for opening weekend taunting

AVW Newstime Comedy: OU freshman overcompensating for opening weekend taunting

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Friends of first-year student Trent Maxwell report that their classmate has been overcompensating this past week in order to shake the memory of being yelled at by upperclassmen on opening weekend.

“He’s been a real dick lately,” said Trent’s Washington Hall roommate, Kyle Green. “He yelled at me just this Saturday for wearing an OU shirt out on a weekend night. I was just going to another friend’s dorm on South, it’s not like I was going to a party with
it on.”

Multiple people from Trent’s undecided learning community are growing irritated with the 18-year-old’s increasingly biting remarks.

“Our very first day of classes, he came into Health 2020 and told us all we looked like ‘a bunch of idiots’ because a few of us had our lanyards around our necks,” said Mary Winegardener, who like Trent, graduated high school just 3 months ago.

“He called me a ‘stupid freshman’ and told me ‘no one here wears calf-high black socks with Nike sandals’,” recalled Senior Marketing major Mikey O’Shea, who has been wearing the aforementioned footwear for 4 years. “I could tell he was a freshman trying to
pass the buck. Those guys on Mill must’ve really done a number on him, huh?”

Trent’s roommate Kyle confirmed that the pair did go to Mill Street on the first night they were in Athens, and that Trent took the upperclassmen’s obviously sarcastic chastisements particularly hard.

“This group of guys sitting on their porch at the top of Mill Street yelled at us and a couple dudes from our hall to get out of the bike lane. Trent got called out separately from us because he had a backpack on, too, and then he started yelling and pushing
people out of the bike lane and onto the sidewalk,” said Kyle, who hours earlier had helped Trent try to figure out whether Morton Hill or Jeff Hill was quicker.

According to his roommate, Trent has been trying hard for the past week to find an “older look”. While Kyle and some friends were playing Super Smash Brothers in Kyle and Trent’s room on Sunday, Trent (who had gone a week without shaving for the first time in his life, although no one could really tell) came into their room and walked right in front of the TV with a package. He opened it up and showed them a pair of Nantucket Red short shorts and a pair of Sperry Top-Sider shoes. “This is what I needed,” he told them excitedly.

“We just kept playing, which I think pissed him off. He just looked at us and was all like, ‘f**king children,’” Kyle reported. “I think I’m gonna request a new roommate.”

Ryan Priestle is a senior studying video production living at the top of Mill Street.

 

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  1. Andrew

    September 5, 2013 at 11:05 AM

    I think I know what house you are talking about. It’s at the top of Mill and it was Lambda Chi’s old house (They are no longer there, they’re great and would never do this) they were taunting me and my friends and yelling so I yelled back, “How does it feel to have Lambda Chi’s sloppy seconds?” They stopped yelling.

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