Home Satire AVW Newstime Comedy: ‘Best of Athens’

AVW Newstime Comedy: ‘Best of Athens’

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Greetings, freshmen! We understand that life can be somewhat confusing during your first few weeks in Athens, and we at Newstime would like to help you through the transition by showing you what the best things on campus and in the city. There are many things in Athens, but these are the best of those things. Our research has told us that you generally prefer to receive your information in “list” form, so here is a “list” listing the Best of Athens.

1.Best Construction Site

The fenced-off median construction on Park Place, across from Gordy Hall; Believe it or not, kids, this used to be a pleasant place to sit, watch the water fountain, walk or just wait for friends. But no one can take a sight pleasing to the eyes and convert it to an inconvenient, indefinite construction project that serves little-to-no discernable purpose quite like Ohio University.

2. Best Weed

Professors. The professors have it.

3. Best Place to Study

The Richland Avenue Bridge; The white noise of the speeding and inexperienced drivers will surely calm you into a trance-like state of scholarly focus, while the rushing waters of the mighty and probably polluted Hocking River will provide no means of escape from your work. Also, we’re pretty sure there’s no wifi access to distract you. (See also: the middle of the roundabout.)

4. Best Water Fountain

The one on College Green outside Chubb Hall; the water tastes classy and metallic.

5. Best Projector To Waste Time In Class

Bentley 220. When the professors ask if anyone knows anything about computers, look around and shrug.

6. Best Freshmen So Far

You. Kidding, it’s actually some guy named Corey who was wearing an Anchorman shirt. Hilarious.

7. Best Place To Weep Openly About Life And The Decreasing Relevance Of A College Education

The Bryan steps. Just let it all out.

8. Best Brick

Brick number 11,982, located in the alley behind the Chipotle. Keep up the good work, buddy.

 

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