Home Satire AVW Newstime Comedy: Media Preparing to Completely Ignore Baseball for the Next 6 Months

AVW Newstime Comedy: Media Preparing to Completely Ignore Baseball for the Next 6 Months

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With Opening Day approaching, the national sports media is still in the preparation stages for their yearly effort to will baseball out of existence by consistently pretending it does not exist. Some sports radio, television and print journalists are growing concerned that the task may be futile, as a sizable fraction of citizens annoyingly continue to enjoy the baseball season, or as the sports media calls it, “Football Offseason.”

“It’s really going to be tough this year,” said Tucker Iverson, sports anchor for WPLG in Miami. “Let me tell you, last season it was hard work keeping it to 30 seconds a week on the Marlins. More if Ozzie Guillen opened his mouth and said things.”

Sports journalists blame this year’s bleak outlook for ignoring baseball on a lack of the Olympic games that contributed heavily to last year’s minor success at distracting the public from the National Pastime. Sports reporters from a national to local level were pleased to have two weeks-worth of non-baseball news to regurgitate from NBC, though some admit it remains tricky to convince Americans they care about synchronized diving every four years.

The lack of Olympics coverage only makes matters worse for sports journalists in cities with teams considered to have World Series potential. Dave Spinelli, a producer at Washington D.C.’s 106.7 The Fan, is dreading Opening Day and continues to lay ground work for a season-long maneuvering around any mention of the Washington Nationals.

“I don’t think we’ll be able to do it,” said Spinelli. “I mean, we’ve still got RGIII’s leg, and talking about how much the Wizards suck never gets old. But if they shut down Strasburg again, we’re totally screwed.”

As of press time, Commissioner of the MLB Bud Selig was jumping in Stephen A. Smith’s face, yelling, “You can see me, you bastard! You can see me!”

This article was written by Jesse Bethea. Follow Newstime on Twitter: @AVWNewstime

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