Home Environment AVW Newstime: Athens Installs Walk Wherever You Want Zones

AVW Newstime: Athens Installs Walk Wherever You Want Zones

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Athens, OH– After loud public pressure, Athens Mayor Paul Wiehl revealed plans this morning to designate various intersections throughout the City of Athens as “Walk Wherever the Fuck You Want” Zones.

“It’s about time we start putting the safety of our citizens first,” he said in a press conference this morning.

The proposal targets areas within three miles of Ohio University, including every four way stop, three way stop, stop light, sidewalk, area near a sidewalk and area where a road is remotely visible.

The intersection at the top of Morton Hill will be made into a special “Seriously, Just Don’t Even Try To Drive Through Here, It’s Not Worth It” zone.

Deborah Jones, founder of the lobbying organization Mothers Against Vehicular Vehicles, is glad to finally see results after an extensive four year battle for what she calls “the right to skip around town however you damn well please without worrying about automobiles ever.”

“The recognition of human rights over vehicle rights is really a victory for all of us,” she said. “But I won’t stop until pedestrians are protected from vehicular violence if they even think of seeing a car in their own head.”

Sophomore Mike Harowitz joined MAVV after a “traumatic” incident uptown while crossing the street in front of Casa Nueva. A red Honda came within inches of striking him, despite his being in the crosswalk zone.

“There was a ‘walk’ symbol!” he said. “I mean, okay, I think the red hand actually means ‘don’t walk,’ but whatever. I was scared.”

It was an incident Harowitz said has scarred him for life, leaving him anxious to even leave his own home.

“Every time I step out onto the street without looking both ways because I’m busy choosing a new song on my iPod, I’m always so terrified that a car will appear out of nowhere by making a legal turn onto the road I’ve just designated as my own personal sidewalk,” he said. “I’m glad the city has finally decided to care about pedestrians like me.”

Sierra Freeman has lived in an off-campus apartment at the Summit for two years. While recognizing that her location across town typically requires her to drive to campus for class, Freeman sees Wiehl’s proposal as a victory for everyone.

“I mean, when I’m driving it’s not usually because I woke up late and have no other way to get to class on time,” Freeman said. “So I’m totally happy to wait on students who want to stroll into the street whenever the fuck they please.”

Mayor Wiehl also proposed the city allocate funding to provide complimentary stress balls at every parking meter, in an effort to calm car owners who worry just driving the street like any law abiding citizen with a vehicle will result in charges of vehicular manslaughter.

This article was written by Nikki Lanka. Follow Newstime on Twitter: @AVWNewstime

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