Home Politics Humans Vs. Zombies Team Upset They Weren’t Asked To Work Security for Obama Rally

Humans Vs. Zombies Team Upset They Weren’t Asked To Work Security for Obama Rally

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ATHENS – As thousands of OU students and Athens residents lined up to get their ticket for the Obama rally on Wednesday, one group of students instead lined up in protest outside of Baker Center – the Humans Vs. Zombies team.

Humans vs. Zombies, a campus-wide game played once each semester, consists of a ragtag group of individuals intent on living out their dream of a zombie apocalypse. “I never know how many people are going to play each year,” Gerald Millstone, 51, told Newstime.

“Gerald is our oldest member,” 3-year captain Miles Illina, explained. “He’s pretty close to becoming a real zombie if you know what I mean.” (*BLOG NOTE* Newstime didn’t and neither did Gerald.)

“I’ve seen somewhere around 20 presidents go through this campus, and none of them have said hello,” Gerald explained, holding a stick as if it was a gun. When asked how long he thought a president’s term was, Millstone replied, “I was named after Gerald Ford.”

Millstone spearheaded an all-day campaign yesterday in an attempt to gain permission for HvZ to protect the president. Millstone acknowledged sending in videos of several members displaying their reaction speed, teamwork skills, and camouflage.

“We will shoot down anyone to protect Obama,” said Millstone, eyeing the Nerf gun collection stored year-round in his university-supplied dresser and closet, “As long as they’re wearing a bandana, though. They have to be wearing a bandana.”

The official rules of Humans vs. Zombies require all participants to wear bandana’s during play: humans on the arm and zombies on the head. Unfortunately, not all HvZ combatants practice Millstone’s discretion, as junior Teresa Hopkins told the Newstime team.

“I guess the way I dye my hair makes it look like I’m wearing a bandana,” Hopkins said.

Since the Fall 2009 game during her freshman year, Hopkins has been attacked 6 times by Humans vs. Zombies combatants. When Jordan Burkett, her assailant during the Spring 2011 game, was asked to comment on what makes her hair resemble a bandana, he simply said “I mean, just look at it.”

“We’re just normal people,” Millstone told Newstime as he shaved off the excess foam from his ammunition, an aerodynamic technique that elite HvZ combatants practice. “Do you see that poster on my wall? It says Protector from the Dead, but it also says Protector of the Living. President Obama is living, and we just want to keep him that way.”

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