Party afilliation: Republican
Highest office held:Governor of Ohio
Notable quote:“My elections are really not about campaigns. I tell my people that these are about a movement. And a movement to do what? To restore common sense. A movement to do things like provide economic growth. And a movement not to let anybody be behind.”
EDITOR'S NOTE: The following obituary is a satirical piece about the ends of 2016 presidential campaigns. Those who led the campaigns are still very much alive, although their hopes for winning the race to the White House in November have come to an unsuccessful conclusion.
The campaign of Gov. John Kasich, best known for winning only his home state of Ohio and for being the last man standing against Donald Trump in a crowded Republican field, died May 4, 2016. It was 289 days old.
The campaign began its life at The Ohio State University, Kasich’s alma mater, on July 21, 2015. It had a quiet opening, but it gained notoriety when Kasich blew up at other candidates during an October debate. The campaign was the first to actively attack Trump, an act that did not help Kasich’s poll numbers but did succeed in drawing attention to the Ohio governor’s bid for the White House.
When on the road, Kasich touted his moderate ideals as a contrast against extreme right-wing candidates. He expanded Medicare and supported a path to legalization (but not citizenship) for illegal immigrants, acts that pushed him slightly left on a political spectrum. To even it out, he touted his history of balancing federal budgets while in Congress, his staunchly anti-abortion views (he even signed legislation against it while on the campaign trail) and proposals to cut down the tax code.
As the race went on, Kasich became the only governor bidding for the Republican nomination and the candidate most called on to drop out, due to routinely low performance in the primaries.
Left with an impossible campaign and relatively little to report on, the media eventually resorted to detailing Kasich’s unusual habits of eating pizza with a fork and speculating on the likelihood of him being chosen as the Republican nominee’s running mate.
Kasich’s campaign is survived by his governorship and several Internet collages of him eating various local foods along the campaign trail.