Fast Facts

Party afilliation:
Republican

Highest office held:
U.S. Senator of Texas

Notable quote:
“If you are a Conservative, you shouldn’t have to tell anybody. If you really are a Conservative, you will have been walking the walk, you will bear the stripes, and your actions will speak louder than words.”

Ted Cruz

By Hayley Harding and Cat Hofacker

EDITOR'S NOTE: The following obituary is a satirical piece about the ends of 2016 presidential campaigns. Those who led the campaigns are still very much alive, although their hopes for winning the race to the White House in November have come to an unsuccessful conclusion.

The presidential campaign of Texas Sen. Ted Cruz, known for holding its own against front-runner Donald Trump and its surprise last-minute vice presidential choice of Carly Fiorina, died May 3, 2016. It was 408 days old.

Born March 23, 2015, Cruz’s campaign began with a speech at Liberty University — one LU students were required to attend. The campaign, focused on creating a small government everywhere from the IRS to the Affordable Care Act, was the first major one to be announced. That wasn’t an advantage for it, though: The campaign didn’t reach a poll position above fourth nationally until December 2015, when several other candidates dropped out.

A major victory for Cruz came in February, when he won the first Republican caucus in Iowa. The campaign went on to claim 3 victories, including its home state of Texas, on Super Tuesday, and 10 states total. As the Cruz campaign proved itself to be particularly adept at securing pledged delegates for the Republican National Convention, it was considered to be the only feasible alternative to Trump, especially after Sen. Marco Rubio dropped out of the race in March.

After Rubio’s departure, the attacks between the top two Republican contenders grew considerably. Trump attacked Cruz’s wife (and people who support Cruz — but not Cruz himself — did the same).

Although the campaign was popular among evangelical conservatives and proponents of religious liberty, it struggled to appeal to a wider range of voters, as well as to appear relatable. Cruz’s attempts to bolster his campaign included a “rick roll” on April Fools’ Day, a joke about running Trump over with his car and a misguided and incorrect analogy about a basketball “ring.”

Ultimately, the campaign could not overcome the innate unpopularity of its candidate, called “Lyin’ Ted,” a proud “wacko bird” and “Lucifer in the flesh.”

Ted Cruz’s campaign is survived by a curious meme and a logo that confused a nation.