Fast Facts

Party afilliation:
Republican

Career:
Director of pediatric neurosurgery

Notable quote:
"You know Obamacare is really I think the worst thing that has happened in this nation since slavery … And it is in a way, it is slavery in a way, because it is making all of us subservient to the government, and it was never about health care. It was about control."

Ben Carson

By Hayley Harding

EDITOR'S NOTE: The following obituary is a satirical piece about the ends of 2016 presidential campaigns. Those who led the campaigns are still very much alive, although their hopes for winning the race to the White House in November have come to an unsuccessful conclusion.

The presidential campaign of Ben Carson, known for its outsider appeal, died March 4, 2016. It was 307 days old.

Carson’s campaign began by mistake — an announcement was planned for May 4, 2015 in Carson’s hometown of Detroit, but he accidentally announced it during a live interview with Cincinnati television station WKRC.

From there, Carson held strong in polls. He was second only to Donald Trump for most of his campaign, and some polls even showed him beating Trump for brief periods of time. These high polls numbers earned him a spot on the main stage in every debate.

Even during his most successful debate, though, politicians and regular citizens alike mocked Carson’s sleepy demeanor. Trump said Carson was “super low-energy,” and that America instead needed someone with “tremendous energy.”

The campaign is survived by Carson’s decades of pediatric neurosurgery experience — Carson was the first surgeon to successfully separate conjoined twins — and a biopic starring Cuba Gooding Jr.