Satire

AVW Newstime Comedy: The Polls vs. Rand Paul

Photo courtesy of Mark Taylor
Written by Emily Delaney

The results from the New Hampshire primary have come in, and Rand Paul is currently doing worse in the polls than Becky, the RA who keeps knocking on your door asking you to come to her activities.

Upon realizing that he polled at less than 1 percent while being trumped by Donald himself, Paul quietly retreated to his bedroom and decided that maybe he should try some new tactics. After bouncing around a few ideas, he decided a pizza and movie night would be the best option.

“I’ve realized that what I really need to do is change up my game. I have a few tricks up my sleeve yet that I think will really speak to the youths,” he said while setting up some comfy chairs and pouring Coca-Cola into red plastic cups.

“Kids love these,” Paul said while chuckling to himself.

Yet by the time “American Pie” ended, Paul was left sitting alone with tears streaming down his face.

“I just don’t understand. I sent out so many emails. I even went door-to-door,” Paul whimpered when asked about his failure at an event.

Paul claims this will not stop him from trying again in the future. With plans ranging from free cookies to community slumber parties, there is nothing he will not try.

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Emily Delaney

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