Satire

AVW Newstime Comedy: Student outraged after pro-life post steals his thunder

Photo courtesy of William Brawley via Flickr
Written by Evan Swingle

Last week, word spread of a pro-life Facebook post that generated a great deal of controversy among students. While some argued against the views expressed in the post and others argued for them, one student took offense for an entirely different reason.

Freshman John Bigot came to Ohio University confident that he was going to be among students with whom he could discuss his views on controversial social issues. Bigot was editing his own post about the Second Amendment when he saw the article concerning the pro-life post.

“I spent hours crafting the perfect post to inform my peers about their Second Amendment rights,” Bigot told Newstime. “It started with me explaining what the Founding Fathers meant by ‘right to bear arms’ and ended with several references to similarities between Obama and Hitler.”

Bigot, known in his POLS 1010 class for his outbursts concerning liberalism in the media, has posted several similar statuses to other Facebook groups, but saw the Class of 2019 page as the perfect opportunity to have an open debate on the Second Amendment.

“In the past, my statuses have gotten a lot of attention,” commented Bigot. “ In July, I posted a status expressing my distaste for the Supreme Court’s decision to allow gay marriage. However, I deleted the post after the Internet trolls tried to argue with me rather than debate. Fourteen likes just straight down the drain.”

While Bigot admitted that he shares the views on abortion expressed by the original poster, he still felt as though he had lost out on a great opportunity.

“I was told that everyone at OU was a family that looked out for one another,” said Bigot. “But seeing this post makes me belief that everyone is only out for themselves and that there is no such thing as the ‘Bobcat family.’ I guess not everyone understands the importance and dignity of free speech like I do.”

When asked what his next post was going to be, Bigot replied, “Well, I had considered an #AllLivesMatter post, but even I’m not that much of a douchebag.”

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Evan Swingle

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