Satire

AVW Newstime Comedy: Proposed Sook Center inspires other incredibly specific buildings

Athens – As plans for the new Sook Academic Center move forward, new rumors are starting to surface about the future of Ohio University’s campus.

The academic center, a building designed specifically for the education of more than 400 student athletes on campus, has received some negative criticism for its “lack of necessity” and “complete and total waste of resources and valuable space that could be used for bettering the minds of the student body as a whole.”

However, with the majority of the university’s monetary contributors in support of the construction, President McDavis has decided to build several new buildings on campus, all for students with uniquely specific qualities.

One building, costing $4.8 million, will be designed for students who only watch movies made between the years of 1974 and 1983.

Another building, to be named the “Papa John’s Learning Hut,” will be specifically for students who like pineapple on their pizza.

Still, the building that has inspired the most controversy is the “Education Barn,” costing $7.9 million, to be designated for students who owned horses between the ages of four and seven.

“I don’t see the big deal here,” commented Amy Hill, a freshman photography major, who also owned a horse at age five when her parents divorced and her dad bought her one so she would like him better. “I can’t wait to have a fresh new building to study with people with similar interests as me.”

Gus Simmons is much less enthusiastic. He stated, “So what, just because I like my pizza a little more traditional, I get the short end of the stick?”

When asked to comment, McDavis responded, “Wait, you’re not the Papa John’s delivery guy.”

While these buildings still have yet to name a completion date, many of us here at Newstime don’t really care. We’ll be graduated by then.

About the author

Evan Swingle

Leave a Comment