After serving for 12 years as Ohio University’s president, Roderick McDavis will officially be stepping down from his position on June 30, 2017. Though he has had a happy and fulfilling experience during his time in office, McDavis says he knows something bigger out there is waiting for him.
“I hold nothing against Ohio University, I just don’t think this is my true calling,” McDavis said while he fiddled his thumbs and hummed a tune quietly to himself.* Although he has called the shots for thousands of young adults over the past 12 years, he says that what he really wants to do now is help the children of the world.
“I think I belong in an entirely different field than the one I’m in now. I…I really think I could make some big movies. That’s where the real money is,” he whispered and gave a knowing look. “Like the next Star Wars.”
When it was pointed out to him that the next Star Wars was already in production, McDavis put a finger to his lips and gave a soft “Shhh.”
At this point, McDavis resolved to speak no further and instead brought out a sketchbook filled with drawings of lightsabers with $100 bills spewing out of them. Page 32 found a new hero named McSkywalker taking apart C3PO’s gold bodysuit to fit it for himself.
Other drawings included what appeared to be a theater full of children happily shouting, “I’m going to spend all my allowance on McDavis’ Star Wars for the rest of my life!” Upon reaching this drawing, McDavis chuckled to himself and folded the sketchbook shut, revealing a cover that read “$TAR WAR$.”
While it is impossible to interpret what all of these mysterious depictions mean, we can only hope our president will continue to follow his dreams.
*The tune was later found to be John Williams’ “The Imperial March.”