With the next presidential debate coming up on Oct. 9, Americans are bracing themselves for yet another televised episode of “Seriously, How Did Things Come to This?” Yet despite the fact that many citizens feel they are hurtling through an endless cyclone of nonsense and misfortune, one man remains hopeful about the future and, more specifically, about the debate.
“They’ll invite me to debate with them. I know they will,” said Roderick McDavis while patiently sitting by his telephone, a timid grin struggling to remain on his face.
Though McDavis may not be running for the presidential seat, he is looking to challenge the candidates with all of the knowledge he has about being the president of something.
“It’s not even just Ohio University where I have been president,” he said.
McDavis leaned in closer, lowering his voice, “I don’t often brag about this, but I was also the president of debate club in high school.”
Raising his eyebrows, he added, “Did you get that? Did you write that down?”
While twiddling his thumbs and occasionally darting his eyes toward the phone, McDavis elaborated on his experiences, including things like “increasing tuition rates,” “debating things,” “increasing the increased tuition rates,” “accomplishing things” and “increasing the tuition rates that were already increased.”
McDavis says that he is not looking to be the next president of the United States, yet with his decision to resign as the president of Ohio University, he’s looking to make some new friends for his future down time.
“I don’t have any other friends who are interested in being presidents. No one really understands me the way presidential hopefuls do.” He explained while his wife gave a little cough from the other room. He laughed before gently caressing the phone next to him as if coaxing it to ring.
Though our staff informed him that, more than likely, he would not be asked to join in the debate, he simply chuckled to himself, asking why he would have already gone out and bought himself a monogrammed podium if they weren’t going to ask him to join the debate.