Satire

AVW Newstime Comedy: Ohio University professor hates his History of Mathematics class

Describing the class as “ludicrous,” OU history Professor James Drayer says he regrets ever deciding to teach his class on the history of mathematics.

“When I was first offered this class, I thought I would enjoy teaching it, as it’s something I’ve spent a lot of my life studying. I was so wrong. I fucking hate it.”

The tenured professor says he didn’t foresee the 80-minute class being so dull.

“I love the history of math, but it turns out having to talk about it for 80 minutes straight is just mind-numbing. The worst part is, my students are so into it!”

Students enrolled in the course begin to fill seats 20 minutes before class starts.

“This is definitely the most fascinating and thought-provoking class I’ve ever taken,” says Aaron Gregory, a marketing major at OU.

“Professor Drayer starts getting fidgety around the 60-minute mark, like, checking his watch a lot and stuff. You can tell he’s really excited about the material and he doesn’t want the time to get away from him!” audio production major Stephanie Harold reports.

Professor Drayer says he has a hard time paying attention in class. “I didn’t mean to bring up quantum theory last week but I zoned out and now it’s all the little assholes will talk about.”

He also thinks the workload involved is ridiculous. “I assign a five-page paper, and most of the ones I receive are over 10 pages long. And the papers that do have a more reasonable length are written in 11-point font,” he says. “They think I can’t tell, but I can.”

Drayer reports that his students hold him well over the hour and twenty-minute mark. Students line up after class to ask multiple, well-informed questions of the overworked instructor. “Don’t they have other classes? It’s like this is the only three credit hours any of them are taking this semester!” Sources say Drayer dreads looking at his grades on RateMyProfessor.com, because he knows his high praises will only generate more demand for his awful lectures.

Professor Drayer says he can’t wait for Spring Break so he can just relax. “Midterms are this week and I still haven’t made up an exam yet. I just want to curl up at home and watch Netflix all day.”

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Joe Kalavity

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