Satire

AVW Newstime Comedy: Local man spends entire day At Sonic Restaurant waiting to vote

Like most Americans, Jeff Thompson woke up on Tuesday morning ready to exercise his civic duty and vote in the midterm elections. However, Thompson’s day didn’t go quite as planned. Convinced it was his nearest polling location, he spent his entire day at the Athens Sonic Drive-In waiting to vote.

“It just seemed like the right place to be.” said Thompson. “I figured I’d grab a Sonic Footlong Quarter Pound Coney with a side of Chili Cheese Tots, and then vote.”

And who could argue with that logic? After all, Sonic has such a variety of unique menu items to choose from at such affordable prices, one could easily spend their entire day eating something different with every order. Which is exactly what Mr. Thompson did.

“He kept asking when the polls would be opening, and I kept telling him I had no idea what he was talking about,” recalled Sam Higgins, an employee at Sonic. “Every time he would just wink at me and then order a slushie. After awhile, I just stopped arguing with him and left him alone.”

And with over 1,000,000 different fountain and slushie drink combinations, it’s no surprise that Thompson couldn’t resist waiting just a little longer for those polls to open.

Still, all good things must inevitably come to an end, and when 11:45 p.m. rolled around, Jeff realized that Sonic was not the correct place to vote. He left Sonic shortly after, but not before ordering a Strawberry Cheesecake Milkshake, one of the 17 delicious Real Ice Cream Shakes offered at Sonic restaurants.

When asked why he didn’t leave sooner when he noticed no one else was coming out to vote, Thompson responded, “What, for the midterm elections? No one cares about those.”

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Evan Swingle

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