Opinion Satire

AVW Newstime Comedy: Four areas to reallocate Bobcat Readership Program funds

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Written by AVW Newstime

Student Senate is discussing budget reallocation for the Bobcat Readership Program. The program currently costs $60,000 per year and offers copies of the New York Times, USA Today and Columbus Dispatch to students in multiple university buildings. While it may seem like a good idea for students to have access to such news outlets, here are just a few things for which the money could be better purposed:

  1. Increased wireless internet bandwidth.

Every Ohio University student can attest to the rampant Wi-Fi problems on campus. Trying to take an online exam? Sure, you can do that. You’ll just have to turn your Wi-Fi on and off roughly 15 times before you actually connect. But don’t worry; once you’re connected, you have access to the whole internet! You can take that exam, see what your friends are up to and read prestigious news sites such as The New York Times. Provided you, a poor college student, have a subscription, of course.

  1. Maintaining high quality student markets

With the creation of Boyd Market, OU took steps toward creating greener, healthier options for students. One of the key components of this initiative is making sure the healthier options are still priced high enough so it’s really only possible for students with expensive meal plans to shop at the stores.

Jefferson Market recently adopted an eco-friendly plan too, with options to dispense grains and pastas into reusable bags in an effort to create a more sustainable campus. Fancy! But never fear, you’ll still be paying $7 for a box of cereal. Think of all the extra money OU could save by taking sources of information and education away from students! All that money could be used to make fancier, unreasonably priced food markets! Say it with me: More food! Less news! More food! Less news!

  1. Coursework with a focus on reputable news sources

Oh wait. The E.W. Scripps School of Journalism is already among the top journalism schools in the nation, and they do offer coursework heavily centered around reputable news sources. We might as well just scrap that too while we’re at it!

  1. Roderick McDavis’ retirement fund

Just because.  

By Emily Delaney for AWV Newstime.

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