Satire

AVW Newstime Comedy: Bobcat Football fans not agitated enough, announcer storms out of press box mid-game

Athens – On Wednesday, OU football spectators were left dumbfounded when a stream of muffled swear words followed by the sound of a door slamming sounded over the PA system throughout Peden Stadium. “What the hell just happened?” one O-Zone member remarked, laughing in disbelief.

While the Bobcats were fighting a hard battle against the Buffalo Bulls, tensions in the press box were reaching a boiling point as the announcer became more and more frustrated with the audience’s mediocre display of agitation. “Am I speaking a different language here? Just get AGITATED; how hard is it?!” he said at one point when the microphone was off.

He finally snapped at the end of the third quarter as he yelled and threw his Rufus bobblehead at a wall, destroying it on impact. Bobcat growl sound effect #1 was inadvertently pushed in the announcer’s rage as he slammed his headset down on the soundboard and left. “F*** this, [unintelligible mumbling] done with this bull**** [more mumbling]…”

Many students found themselves unsure of what was expected of them. Said Gina Hazelet,

“He just kept telling us to ‘Get agitated.’ I mean, I was cheering and everything…”

“I’m a fifth-year and I still don’t know what that means,” commented Paige Clayman.

As the game wore on, it became increasingly clear to the fans that their announcer wasn’t coming back, with an awkward silence filling the stadium between plays. “How am I going to know when a first down is a Citizen’s Bank first down?” one student wondered out loud.

“So are they still going to do the raffle thing, or….?” asked another.

An especially confusing moment came about when two students walked out onto the field for what was apparently some kind of competition – there was no announced explanation as to what was actually going on. Without an announcer, it was just two grown men running backwards around the goal post, and the stakes had never been lower.

The situation was finally remedied when an OU official, while scrambling to find someone to plug Little Caesar’s before they pulled their sponsorship, pulled a random bearded man out of the stands to announce. He did surprisingly well. The Bobcats won 37-14.

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Joe Kalavity

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