Satire

AVW Newstime Comedy: 6 places on campus perfect for reflecting on the Iran-Nuclear Deal

The fountain outside Alden Library, one of the many scenic spaces at OU for contemplating U.S. foreign policy. Photo by Evan Swingle.
Written by Evan Swingle

Ohio University is a beautiful campus with so much scenery to enjoy. Here’s a list of some of the perfect places to stop, relax, and think about the implications of the sanctions set up preventing Iran from gaining access to nuclear weapons.

1. The benches behind Bentley

The benches behind Bentley. Photo by Evan Swingle.

The benches behind Bentley. Photo by Evan Swingle.

Located behind Bentley Hall are these beautiful benches, perfect for lying down and taking a nap in the sun. Leave your dorm too early for class? Just sit down, relax and ponder the fact that Iran does not have access to nuclear grade plutonium because all pathways to the material have been cut off for the next 15 years.

2. The bus stop outside Baker

The bus stop outside Baker. Photo by Evan Swingle.

The bus stop outside Baker. Photo by Evan Swingle.

Trying to catch a ride back home? Or maybe just trying to make people believe you have a place to go? This bus stop is perfect. And hey, while you wait, just remember that for the next 25 years, Iran’s nuclear sites will be monitored for any activity breaking the sanctions set up by the Iran-Nuclear Deal.

3. The tables outside the Front Room

The tables outside Front Room. Photo by Evan Swingle.

The tables outside Front Room. Photo by Evan Swingle.

Who doesn’t need coffee to get through the day? Here at OU, you can grab you a hot cup of Joe and then sit outside and talk with your peers about the incorrect conclusion that Iran will be able to inspect their own nuclear facilities. I mean seriously, Katie. Does that make any f*cking sense?

4. The fountain in front of Alden Library

The fountain in front of Alden Library. Photo by Evan Swingle

The fountain in front of Alden Library. Photo by Evan Swingle

Make a wish! Throw those pennies into the well and dream for your heart’s desire. A puppy? Or a new car? Whatever your wish may be, at least you can take solace in the fact that Iran’s uranium enrichment capacity has been cut in half, and they’ll only have 5,000 working centrifuges operating on first generation capabilities.

5. Wolfe Garden

Wolfe Garden. Photo by Evan Swingle.

Wolfe Garden. Photo by Evan Swingle.

What a peaceful place to unwind after a hard day of studying. Lay down the books, enjoy the beautiful garden scenery and consider that, due to President Obama’s deal, limitations on Iran’s nuclear development plans put the country 13 years away from any real strides in uranium research. You could finish grad school before then!

6. Emeriti Park

Emeriti Park. Photo by Evan Swingle.

Emeriti Park. Photo by Evan Swingle.

The trees are beautiful in the fall, and where better a place to watch the leaves drift from the trees than Emeriti Park. Sit back and listen to the campus wildlife. Just remember, we had to do something to stop Iran from obtaining nuclear weapons. It may not be perfect, but this deal is the best thing we’ve got. No, Dan, your dad could not have negotiated a better deal. He’s works at Lowe’s. Shut up.

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Evan Swingle

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