Home Opinion Satire AVW Newstime Comedy: OU announces party planning committee with Cutler Hall celebration

AVW Newstime Comedy: OU announces party planning committee with Cutler Hall celebration

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By Courtney Schaefer for AVW Newstime

Athens, Ohio —This Friday afternoon, Ohio University will celebrate Cutler Hall’s bicentennial with an event held outside the historic location. According to the university, there will be guest speakers, Cutler Hall themed photos, “opportunities to take fun,” and, of course, cake.

In an email sent to all students, President Roderick McDavis invited students to the event, calling it a “celebration of the crown jewel of our beloved alma mater.”

Students then received many more emails — because some have not yet learned the powerful difference between “Reply to Sender” and “Reply All” — all containing a similar message: “Where?”

This also the first event to be carried out by the new Ohio University party planning committee. Angela Vance serves as the president in the group  and “couldn’t be more excited.”

“There are just so many things I want to do! I’m glad the campus realized the necessity of having these events instead of, oh, improving college residence halls or improving the Women’s Center. Let them eat cake, that’s what I always say,” Vance said.

According to Vance, this is just the first of many events to celebrate campus.

“I’m in the process of planning a bar mitzvah for Baker University Center. It’ll be 13 years old after the new year, and I think it’s important to celebrate it becoming a man.”

Other scheduled events include a Sweet Sixteen for Bromley Hall after its purchase just 16 years ago, a celebration for the dropped burrito that’s been sitting outside Schoonover for two full weeks now and just an “intimate get together” for Park Place, since it’s been feeling pretty low about being abandoned. Man, how time flies.

Students seem to share in Vance’s excitement with, freshman Sam Richards saying, “I can’t wait to go! And free cake, wow. That’s so nice of the university. They must really care about giving back when using all of our tuition money.”

She then excused herself to continue searching for quarters in the bushes behind Alden so that she could afford to print her midterm essay.

“This cake will probably be the first meal I’ve had in three days so I’m pretty pumped,” graduate student Brock Michlin said. “ I might bring a piece home and eat it next week for sustenance.”

Vance said she’s proud to be part of a university that is all about giving back, and she hopes she can really provide a service to the students.

“If Ohio University really needed anything, it’s obviously more parties!”

Editor’s Note: AVW Newstime is a collaborative partner of The New Political. While Newstime articles are posted on thenewpolitical.com as they relate to political satire, the viewpoints in this letter are solely the author’s and do not reflect the opinions of The New Political and its editorial staff.

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