Home Opinion Satire AVW Newstime Comedy: OU student says he is going to “totally destroy his professor” once course evaluations come out

AVW Newstime Comedy: OU student says he is going to “totally destroy his professor” once course evaluations come out

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As spring semester begins to wind down, many students are looking forward to summer break. But one student in particular, Aaron Boswell, said he “can’t wait to let his French professor have it” once course evaluation forms are available to be filled out. “I’m going to make that jerk cry,” Boswell said, sharing a high-five with his friends.

Surrounded by a visibly aggressive posse of political science majors, Boswell went on to describe the type of mental beatdown he was going to dish out to Professor Nicholas Bernard when he got the chance to fill out an anonymous formal critique.

Boswell cited “too much homework,” “overly extensive exams” and “Chapter Five” as reasons for his planned evaluative assault on the language instructor. One of his lackeys pulled a wooden baseball bat out of his bookbag.

When asked to go into detail about what he has in store for his teacher, Boswell said, “I’ll tell you what I’m gonna do: I’m gonna fill out that form, and I’m gonna give him all ones — in EVERY category. Well, unless one is a positive rating.”

He appeared to be taken off-guard by this thought for a moment. “In that case, he’s getting all fives!” He continued: “And don’t even get me started on the ‘additional comments’ section.”

Boswell got started on the “additional comments” section anyway. He began on a long and appallingly specific tangent, listing a myriad of choice words he had for Bernard, which repeatedly included “dumb” and “d*ckwad.”

The Ohio University Police Department has been alerted of the threats made against Bernard. However, when reached for comment, they said, “There isn’t much we can do about the situation at this time. Unless Mr. Boswell makes an actual attempt on his professor’s self-esteem, our options here are limited.”

The officer’s gaze falls to the ground as he shudders. “All ones though…what a monster…”

“You just wait,” Boswell threatened. “He’s gonna pay.”

UPDATE: April 23, 2014: Boswell’s roommate has reported Boswell has received several reminder emails to fill out the course evaluation form, but still can’t be bothered to complete it.

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